I feel this blog post is long over due. I have mentioned Aurelia in passing but she is such an integral part of my life abroad that she definitely deserves a highlight all to herself. She's, in the nicest way possible, a funny but original use of the term biddy. Old, mad bad and biddy.
Like a couple of my relatives in Mexico, she has tattooed eyebrows, eyeliner, and lip liner, which is always surprising in the morning when she pops out of the bathroom, hair in a disarray but makeup pretty well kept. Of course nothing beats my raccoon eyes in the morning, but this isn't a competition. I wish I could post a picture of her so that you could just get a visual of this blessed woman, but anytime I suggest we take a picture to send to my family she goes "Ay dios mío, ¡mira como estoy vestida!" (translation: oh my god, look how im dressed!) and then she quickly flees to her room where a few minutes later I can already smell the cigarette she just lit up. To calm herself down of course, from the frenzy I caused by my question
(Update from the time I started writing this blog entry and got distracted: Aurelia is always very curious about Skype. She doesn't own a computer, as the radio is her thang, so whenever she sees me talking to myself, she wanders over to check if I've lost my mind or not. Without fail she'll always see SOMEONE I'm skyping with, although so far the count is I think two...maybe three different people. Although I have yet to get a picture of her, she has been caught on camera. She met my little about an hour ago and she kept saying "Quien es esta bonita? Quien es la guapa?" Which was cute, and of course my little IS adorable, so true. Hilarious my little's name translates as "Gay" in spanish and when Aurelia heard that she got a little flustered and was scared away from the camera once she realized that the camera worked both ways. Too too funny.)
I remember filling out my AU abroad questionnaire on my ideal housing situation and when asked whether or not I cared if my hosts smoked. Of course I don't. Some of my fondest memories in Mexico are from family members lovingly offering me a cigarette at 8 years old. Or driving, smoking, and yelling at their kids (yes, at the same time). Or my aunt telling me how I should find a man who loves me more than I love them, as her lit cigarette hangs precariously above my head, along with her scalding hot coffee. Nope, don't mind cigarettes at all. Point is, I don't mind at all that she smokes, it doesn't get into my room and I generally reek of cigarettes after coming back from the bars/clubs at night anyway. Either way, she will generally hide when the need for a cig arises, either hanging out the kitchen window, or in her room as she watches her Spanish soap operas (different and a little classier than the Mexican ones, if I do say so myself, although less busty...). What would make the most sense would be out the balcony but I've never seen her there. I don't think she wants to choke her plants.
She also has an opinion on everything. I can actually sit there silently, eating my cereal and toast and nod my head obediently, and she'd gladly discuss Canary Island Bananas versus South American Bananas (she is pro Canary Island bananas, whereas my strong Ecuadorian roots favor those of S.A...although I dare not say that out loud). Also, whenever I mention I disagree with an opinion...she looks a little confused and then goes "Todo el mundo es diferente! Hay diferencias entre todos!" Which basically means she thinks I'm wrong...but you know...she's too nice to say it.
She also feeds me like I am a 200 pound man. I am not. She makes this awesome potato tortilla and tops it with chopped tomatoes and again, it's delicious, but the diameter is about a foot long. Sometimes she looks so hurt when I don't finish my meal, I guiltily try to eat more...but than the queasiness kicks in and that's when I know for sure to throw in the towel. She's lovingly embraced the fact that I eat mainly the most at breakfast, but she's becoming sneakier. Unlike before, she now pre-fills my cereal bowl to the top with my Choky Choc cereal (reminiscent of Coca Puffs, but in a concave flake form) and if I don't stop her in time, she tries to make me four pieces of toast at once. If I don't look up in time, her rationale is "well they're already buttered so I have to make them and you have to eat them". After my breakfeast, she'll pat my head like I've done well, by eating so much, and then attempt to feed me some more yogurt.
What's funnier is when I say I'm not hungry, she'll make a gesture like she wants to choke me. Yes violent. But it doesn't stop her, because without fail, she'll stop by my laptop in the dining room and ask again if I want to eat. (The wireless internet doesn't actually work so I always have to be hooked up to the router, which is so inconveniently located in her warpath)
I hope this part doesn't get back to her (haha but if it does oh well)...but she makes me a giant lunch every single possible day (okay its not actually that big). She insists on giving me sandwiches and I'm pretty sure all the Americans here in Spain complain about their sandwiches. Aurelia, without fail, always gives me one salami sandwich (just salami and bread) and one ham/turkey sandwich with a slice of cheese and bread. The sandwiches are very dry and no matter how many times I mention I really don't like the ham/turkey/cheese combo sandwich, they don't vary. Plus theres no condiments. Ew. What I think would frustrate her is if she was to find out that everyday, I hand my second and less appealing sandwich to the homeless man that hangs out on our stoop / on our corner. I can tell he enjoys the sandwich more than I do, and I can't eat two sandwiches. However, when she gives me a sandwich and one tortilla (potato and egg omelette, not the flat flour/corn wrap we know and love in USA/Mexico), I can totally eat those two.
When I can, I'll for sure get you all a pic of her. Byeeeeez
GG
No comments:
Post a Comment